The Ex-Templar and The Ex-Reaver
by Val'Aishlym
Summary: Drabbles from the 30 Days with Noah series that feature exclusively the pairing m!lavellan (Noah) x Cullen. Summary in each chapter/drabble.
1. Day 12, Suspectible

**Char: Cullen & Noah**

 **Notes: I don't very much like FF's layout so I won't be a frequent poster here. I've decided to compile all the one-shots from 30DN into a categorical story feature each one by pairing: Gen, m!lavellan x Iron Bull, m!lavellan x Dorian and so on so forth.**

 **Summary:** Cullen's doubt in his own ability to please him and not hurt him causes him pain.

 **Word: Susceptible**

 **Rating: T**

 **Word Count: 1911**

 **30 Days of Noah**

 **Susceptibility**

 **(noun)**

 **the state or fact of being likely or liable to be influenced or harmed by a particular thing.**

Long nights, long mornings, long noons, long evenings, and then longer nights again. Cullen was used to getting very little sleep, very little chance to breathe his own air. He was always fretting over one thing or another about the inquisition. Though, somehow through all of that, he managed a close friend. Closer than anything he could remember. Almost like family but something more at the same time.

Cullen turned from the bookcase when he heard a door open. Cassandra stood there with an irritated scowl across her face. "Is the Inquisitor here?" She asked.

"I have not seen him all day," Cullen replied. "Have you checked the training grounds or tavern? Library?" He knew the inquisitor usually hung around the Qunari warrior. If Cassandra couldn't find Noah alone in his chambers, he was either with Iron Bull drinking or sparring, or with Dorian in the library.

"I have not yet checked the library," She said with a sigh. "Thank you." She inclined her head before leaving the room. A sneeze brought Cullen's attention upward with a quirked eyebrow.

"What are you trying to get out of this time, Inquisitor?" Cullen sighed. Noah's mop of black hair peeked over the ledge. Cullen hadn't seen the elf slink his way into his office. Usually he'd spot the elf sneaking into his office to duck either Leliana or Josephine. Without a word, he'd climb the ladder into his bedroom. Lately, the elf had been doing that more frequently.

"They're trying to make me go to some unnecessary ball in Val Royeaux," Noah said. He paused slightly before grumbling, "And it's Noah." Cullen smirked.

"Why, Inquisitor, are you whining?" It was always like this. The two and their playful banter. That banter always led to the same thing each and every time.

" _Noah_ ," Noah growled, glaring. He climbed down the ladder and walked up to Cullen. He poked the commander on the chest before looking up at him with narrowed eyes. "Noah."

"Noah." Cullen gave a half smirk, causing Noah to grin back. Someway or another, Cullen found his hands on the elf's hips and the elf leaning slightly against him, staring up. Noah's arms were wrapped loosely around Cullen's waist. He tilted his head to the side slightly as he continued to stare.

Cullen'd had a long internal war with himself about his feelings for the elf. He'd come to admit, sometime ago, that he was enamored by the elf and only just recently had he shared his feelings. He was surprised when Noah had smiled at him and told him that he shared his feelings.

From there, one would think it was all smooth sailing. It was anything but. The two, like now, would settle into somewhat awkward silence and just stare at each other. Cullen wasn't sure of himself. This was an all new experience that he wasn't all to sure he was ready for. _Should I treat him differently? Does he want to be treated differently? How do I kiss him? Do I kiss him how I would kiss a woman? How would this progress? Would he be upset if I took the initiative on things?_ The questions still continued to plague his mind daily, especially whenever he was alone with the elf.

" _You think really loudly,"_ Noah had said once. " _your face is such an open book."_

The elf never initiated anything, which was probably all Cullen's fault. They still hadn't even shared a kiss because of his loud doubts. All they ever did was stare at each other, which again was definitely Cullen's fault. Every time Noah leaned in for a kiss, Cullen would turn his head away and the elf either kissed his chin or his cheek. He'd always have a look of disappointment but he always would give a small smile. When the elf would stand close to him or hold is hand, Cullen would immediately move away when he heard the slightest noise.

" _Are you embarrassed by me?" Noah asked. Cullen looked up from the map in front of him to see Noah frowning at him. He hadn't even heard the elf enter._

" _What? Of course not!" Cullen frowned. "Why would you think that?" Noah gave Cullen a hard look, basically asking with his eyes 'are you seriously asking me that question?' Cullen sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Inquisitor-"_

" _Noah," Noah corrected, his frown deepening._

" _Noah. I am not embarrassed by you, its just that there is so much to do to keep the inquisition afloat - I apologize I don't ever have time to spend with you."_

" _That wasn't exactly what I was getting at…but I do understand," Noah sighed. He stepped forward but saw the commander tense. Noah let out another sigh, taking a step back. He grinned small, did a little 2-finger salut, said "I'll see you later," and took his leave._

The last time Noah initiated a kiss, Cullen had rudely rejected with words he hadn't even meant.

" _Have you eaten anything?" Cullen asked, moving his head slightly back from the elf leaning in. The elf pulled back slightly and raised an eyebrow._

" _Yeah." Noah reached up a hand and cradled the commander's cheek before leaning forward again._

" _What did you eat?" Cullen asked quickly, grabbing Noah's hand. Both Noah's eyebrows rose._

" _A roll of bread and dried meat," he said slowly. When Noah attempted to get closer again, Cullen stood up, causing Noah to lean back on his perch on Cullen's desk._

" _You should eat more. Build more muscle. You've been tiring more frequently in your spars which would not be good out on the field. Maybe you should think about changing weapons? Maybe a bow? Daggers?" Cullen was nervously plucking at his armor before all of what he said caught up to his panicked mind. He'd just insulted the elf's combat. He chanced a glance at Noah who was silent and frowning at him. "Ah- That wasn't exactly what-"_

" _I have been getting sloppy, huh?" Noah asked, his frown deepening. "Not all that good with neither daggers nor bow…I guess a sword and shield would suffice." It sounded more like he was talking to himself than to Cullen._

" _Noah I-"_

" _It's fine. I'll…just… be going," Noah said, pointing a thumb towards the door. "Josephine wanted me to meet with some weird noble from Val Royeaux. Bertrand or whatever…I'll see you later." Cullen watched the elf silently leave the room._

"You're thinking again," Noah said. Cullen chuckled as Noah laid his head against his shoulder.

Against his better judgement - and also because he was desperate - Cullen had gone to Dorian for advice.

" _Asking me for advice? My, I would love to meet the fellow who has turned your head," Dorian said smirking._

" _Shh," Cullen shushed him harshly. "I do not exactly need the whole of the inquisition to know I am having thoughts of courting someone." Dorian chuckled._

" _You think too deeply, Commander. Don't think about things - just do what comes naturally. Ignore the fact the one in your arms has a stick instead of a pouch." Cullen's face twisted._

" _I've never heard it put like that…" Dorian smirked._

" _That is because you've never met me until now. If you're ever in a mood to do something a little out of the ordinary, I am open for a threesome."_

Cullen shuddered at the thought. Dorian, he was an okay guy in small dosages, but no one Cullen would ever look twice at. In fact, Noah was probably the only male he'd ever looked at.

" _I know a technique that'll have him squealing in no time," Iron Bull smirked. Cullen placed a hand to his forehead, questioning his mental state when he thought it would be a good idea to ask Iron Bull for advice._

" _Why did I come here?" He asked himself quietly._

" _Hn. You've probably got more on your plate than you could swallow, no pun intended. Though, I'm sure you'll be serving the elf more than being served." Cullen's attention shot back to Bull._

" _What?" Iron Bull smirked._

" _You've got a thing for the inquisitor."_

" _How did you even draw that conclusion? I haven't even told you anything." Cullen narrowed his eyes suspiciously._

" _I have my ways. Trust me, the only way you'll get anywhere with the elf is if you initiate it. And when you initiate it, you better be damn well ready for the ride of your life because he's a feisty one." Cullen furrowed his brows at Bull._

" _You've slept with him?"_

" _Yes. Plenty of times," Bull said simply. "Feistiest bed partner I've had, yet. I'll miss our romp around the sheets but I can deal." Bull chuckled._

" _Initiator, you say?" Cullen rubbed his chin._

" _Be aggressive. I've seen you yelling at the recruits. Take some of that energy into the bedroom and you're golden."_

" _Aggressive…" Cullen repeated. "How many people in the inquisition has the inquisitor slept with?" Cullen was afraid of the answer to that after Bull's little sex confession._

" _That is something that is not my business to share." Bull shrugged. "If you want to know, ask him."_

" _I do not think I want that bit of information, actually…" Cullen grumbled. Bull just shook his head and sniggered._

" _I doubt it's the amount you're thinking right now."_

He surely was nowhere near ready to give into sex, but he could still indulge in the more innocent actions. Cullen nudged against Noah with his shoulder to get the elf to look at him. Cullen brought one of his hands up from the elf's hip to cradle his face. He caressed a high cheek bone with his thumb before leaning in, brushing his nose lightly against the elf's. He felt, rather then heard, Noah's sharp intake of breath when he suddenly grabbed a handful of the elf's ass. He pressed his lips lightly to the shorter male's and watched the elf's eyes slowly flutter close.

Cullen allowed his own eyes to droop closed as he used the hand kneading the elf's ass to pull him flushed against his body. His hand skimmed across a cheek to run through silky, black hair before settling the hand on the back of Noah's neck. He tilted the elf's head to the side as his lips continued their slow massage on the elf's. He coaxed the elf's mouth open with his tongue to deepen the kiss.

A moan bubbled up from Noah's throat as the kiss was deepened. Cullen pulled away slowly, opening his eyes to take in the slight flush dusted across the elf's lightly freckled nose.

Noah's light green eyes fluttered open to stare at him. He said nothing as his lips slowly pulled into a grin. "I hope that wasn't a one time occurrence," Noah mumbled. Cullen smirked.

"As long as you don't shirk your duties, there will be more where that came from." Cullen laid his forehead against Noah's.

"Meh," Noah sighed. "Fine." Cullen grinned as Noah pulled away from him. Cullen kissed him briefly on the corner of lips before stepping away from him. "But after everything is dealt with for the day, you owe me. Everyday." He poked the blonde in the chest.

Cullen grabbed the elf's hand and brought it to press against his mouth. "Of course."


	2. Day 17, Stars

**Char: Cullen & Noah**

 **Notes: I post more frequently on Ao3**

 **Summary:** All he ever wanted was to be the reason he smiled.

 **Word: Stars**

 **Rating: M**

 **Word Count: 693**

 **30 Days of Noah**

 **Wish**

 **(verb)**

 **feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; want something that cannot or probably will not happen.**

He was cunning, strong, and loyal. In his eyes, he was the perfect example of what a leader should be; a perfect example of a warrior. His poise was strong, his stride oozed confidence and discipline. He had a voice that demanded to be heard: a strong, commanding voice that left no room for arguing. One that assured you: this man would lead you to victory.

"Noah."

Whenever he was addressed by that strong voice, he nearly melted in his boots. He wanted to always be on the receiving end of that voice, to be possessed by this man in both body and soul - and yet…-

"Noah…"

A soft whisper in his ear. So sensual, so gentle, so rough…

"Noah…"

Just a sigh - a pleasurable moan. The voice entrapped him in a snare of pure desire.

There were hands on his legs, bringing them to incircle a narrow waist. A single arm thrown around a broad shoulder, the other clawing at a strong back.

"…Noah…so tight…"

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. That power, that raw strength he wanted to possess, between his legs - pushing and pulling, taking and giving - and yet…

Light green eyes opened to half mass. Blonde. He ran one of his hands through silky blonde hair. Beautiful blonde hair belonging to that strong, loyal, and cunning man.

He gasped, his eyes screwing shut tight at a particularly hard thrust.

"Are you…well?"

Always worrying. It brings a smile to his lips. Worrying about everything but his own well being. Sharing the burden of leading - something he hadn't the need to do but did do.

"…Don't…stop…."

"Hmm…As you command…"

So close. His legs close tighter, his hands grip harder. The blonde hair is wrenched from his grasp, the owner having moved back. Green eyes open slightly to stare into…into…blue eyes.

It's wrong. They're not supposed to be blue. The illusion is shattered.

Tears well up in his eyes as he screws them tight, hoping to bring the illusion back. The man is clean shaved, shoulder length blonde hair, with bright, sparkling, blue eyes. It's all wrong…and yet…

"Noah!"

"C-Cullen…" he gasps, his low cry of the man's name going unheard under the other's shout. He feels warmth flood his bowels. The man pulls out and he's left empty.

Noah lays on his back, staring up at ceiling trying to catch his breath. The man lays on his side, caressing his body.

"Up for another round, again?"

Its not the same. He can't even bring the images back. The eyes…They're not supposed to be blue…and yet…

Noah quickly gets up and throws his clothes back on. He puts on a hooded cape and turns back towards the man.

"Coming back anytime soon? You're my favorite customer." The man grins.

And yet he keeps coming back.

"Maybe," Noah mumbles. He walks to the door. He places his hand on the door handle but pauses. "W…What's your name?"

"Cailan."

It was just the hair…and yet….

Noah left without another word. He walked towards the exit.

"Thanks for visiting The Pearl, I'm sure it was an enjoyable experience."

Cullen wasn't Cailan…

He was cunning, strong, and loyal. In his eyes, he was the perfect example of what a leader should be; a perfect example of a warrior. His poise was strong, his stride oozed confidence and discipline. He had a voice that demanded to be heard: a strong, commanding voice that left no room for arguing. One that assured you: this man would lead you to victory.

He had short blonde hair and amber eyes.

Whenever he was addressed by that strong voice, he nearly melted in his boots. He wanted to always be on the receiving end of that voice, to be possessed by this man in both body and soul. He wanted him - and yet…-

He was not what the man wanted. And never would he be.


End file.
